cats. tats. gats.

Well, I'm not exactly Mr. Myspace or anything, but I was screwing around on it tonight instead of studying and stumbled across Mike Mcbane's page. He also put up a soundclick site for his late 90's Austin band Eureka. Check out what he was doing in his post-Lafayette days. Mike also played with the Blind Cavefish, The Bluerunners, and Full Hank off and on. It's been a while since I've seen Mike, but I've always envisioned that he would be living in some windowless Austin basement surrounded by piles of used vacuum tubes and partially dismantled guitar amps only venturing out at night to get quadruple espressos from some decrepit coffee shop/laundromat. I don't think I was too far off. He's also been posting pictures of his CATS. Even I know that myspace is not the place for photos of your cats.

Here are some standard myspace photo topics:
- your tats
- your cleavage
- making the devil sign or gang signs at the camera
- making gang signs while showing off your tats and cleavage
- you sitting at your computer in your underwear staring sullenly at something off camera
- holding up a 40 or bottle of something (to show that you like to party)
- you with a hot female (to create the appearance that you do in fact get some action even though that's probably not the case)
- (if you're a dude) your dog, but only if it's tough and has tats
- (if you're a chick) your dog, but only if it weighs under two pounds and is staring into the camera like it's retarded
- (if you're married) your two golden retrievers (married white people are required by law to own two golden retrievers)
- wearing the t-shirt of your favorite band
- halloween costumes (trucker hat and a wig (male) or sexy-whatever (female))
- closeups of your balls that are so closeup that no one can tell what it is so myspace won't ban you

Ok, maybe I made that last one up. But you get the point. TATS, NOT CATS. Furthermore, he mentions his association with quiz bowl in high school. I don't even really know what the hell that was, but I remember it being pretty much the social equivalent of Off! for the ladies.

Now, as you can see, Jerry Faulk has the right idea. Tats. Unfortunately, he also mentions that his favorite band is Queensryche and his Battlestar Galactica fetish. But then again, we're probably getting to the point where 80's metal is about to be retro cool, so maybe he's on to something.

And Joy Chubb, who I used to have a crush on, is now divorced and posting half naked pictures of her ass-tats. See, that's what the internet was designed for.

I think basically if you can find a way to post a picture of yourself making gang signs while drinking a 40 in your underwear and vintage WASP t-shirt showing off your cleavage tat (that says "LOL") while riding your golden retrievers, you win and the internet starts over.

Here are some myspace photos:

Mike's cat. (Cat photos are only allowed if you're an older single lady and insane.)


Joy's ass-tat.


Lil' Murder's gat. (from Skip's page)


Chimento's van looks like shat.


Here are a few more tips on making the kewlest myspace page ever:
- Try to end every photo description with LOL!!!!!!!!!!! The coolness of anything on the internet is directly proportional to LPP (LOLs per page).
- When listing music influences, be sure to include every band that you've ever heard in your life. If it takes two full screens to scroll past them, then that's about right.
- Include the results from your latest "which Star Wars character am I?" quiz ("I'm C3PO LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!") and for god's sake don't forget to include your hilarious 1000 line chatlogs as your blog entries.
- Make a shitty "thanks 4 the add" thumbnail. Nothing adds that personal touch to a comment quite like a blinking spam gif with a band's website across it.
- Don't forget the background midi!