Mig Mike, gimme a draft.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

200th Coming Home Tour, or How to Tell When It's Time to Throw in the Towel

I was recently checking on our old friends Zebra. Throughout the late 80's and 90's you may remember their (it seemed) constant radio commercials: "LIVE!!! AT G-G-G-GRANT STREET!!! Z-Z-Z-ZEBRA!!! THE COMING HOME TOUR!!! (Sound effects)" where they consistently played to packed houses of about 23 people. Here are some indicators that might help you tell when it's time to retire:

1. Most of the audience only knows you as "that band that keeps coming home."
2. Neither you nor anyone in the audience can remember the names of any (either) of your hit songs.
3. Your triumphant "C-C-C-COMING HOME T-T-T-OURRRR!!!" is held at places like The Sports Page. On Moss Street. Most of the audience is there because they serve liquor to minors. (As in, half are minors there for the liquor, the other half are creepy drunks there for the minors)
4. Your tour schedule looks like this:

July 2 Saturday Mike's Club Plaquemine La 11:30pm
July 4 Monday The Slidell Heritage Festival Slidell La TBA
August 13 Saturday Six Flags - New Orleans New Orleans La TBA
September 23 Friday Generations Hall for Rock-N-Roll for Kid's Sake
New Orleans La Midnight
October 14 Friday The Oyster Festival Violet La TBA
October 15 Saturday St. Cletus Fair Gretna La 9pm

5. Your promo photos look like this:

#1. Not so good. 

#2. Yikes. Mullets and collars do not mix. (unless they're leather collars) 

#3. Ok. Nevermind. Maybe 1 and 2 weren't so bad. 

Another indicator would be that you were in an original band that received some national attention in the past, but these days you are playing in a Led Zeppelin tribute band. Felix, has it come to this?

Yes, I think it has.


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